Top Ten Joys of Retirement

At the end of 2011, we see many top ten lists.  They are a way to look back over the last year and reminisce.  Now that I have been retired for six months (6 months!) , I thought that I would do my own top ten: the Top Ten Joys of Retirement.  Here we go:

Not Going to Work: This may be the most obvious, but it is worth mentioning!  While I miss the people I worked with, I do not miss getting up every day to go to work.  I don't miss the stress, the lack of sleep, the politics, and the (pardon me) the bullshit!  I feel like I did great work, but it was time for someone else to move it forward.  I know that I made the right decision at the right time!

Sleep: I was always so sleep deprived when I was working.  I'm such a night owl and would stay up until midnight whether I worked or not.  My weekends were spent trying to recover from exhaustion.  Now I often stay up until 1:00 or 2:00 AM.  I usually get up around 9:00 AM but sleep later if I really want to do so.  My alarm goes off at 8:00 AM.  I listen to the radio and ease into the day.  I am so much more rested.  It is so-o-o wonderful!

Cooking: I am cooking again!  I am also enjoying doing it.  I have rediscovered some of my mother's recipes, and I have discovered new ones.  My not-so-secret addiction is a new TV show: The Chew!  They inspire me to try new things and to explore the joys of cooking again.  Now I have to figure out how to cook and not eat everything I have cooked.  Moderation is going to be the key for me this year.

Reading: I've read over 40 books on my Kindle and more hard copies! This is heaven for me.  I love to read, and Kindle has made it so much easier for me to access my favorite authors anytime I want a new book.  Every day I check to see what the Kindle Daily Deal is although I rarely buy them.  I've also read magazines and newspapers.  I carry my Kindle in my large purse and pull it out to read anytime I have an extra minute.  Many Thursday afternoons I have sat at Starbucks reading while drinking my latte!

Writing: I've thoroughly enjoyed writing this blog during the year.  It was nice to chronical what I was going through as I retired and as I've tried to adjust to my new world of retirement.  My blog has evolved over time and has become more about my mission to find joy in my life every day and less about retirement.  I have also been writing memories from my childhood so that I can share these with my children.  There are memories that I have that no one else has now that my parents are gone.  It has been personally rewarding.  I can't wait to get back to it after the holidays!

Not Getting Dressed Up: I LOVE getting up, throwing on my robe and slippers, making my coffee, and reading the newspaper in the morning.  I don't have to rush to get dressed.  Better yet-I don't have to wear make up every day!  If I want to be in my jammies all day, I can.  I also bought new clothes when I retired so I can hang out in my jeans and sweats.  I am comfy!

Owning My Schedule/Non-Schedule: It is great to be in control of my time.  Some days I accomplish a lot-errands, chores, etc.  At other times, I just watch the birds at my bird feeders or the squirrels chasing each other in our yard.  Some times I do marathon TV watching.  I am also having fun exploring my family history!  It's great not having meetings to go to or deadlines to meet.

Taking Care of Abbey: I have had the pleasure of taking care of my granddaughter, Abbey, two afternoons a week when her mom went to classes.  Her dad picks her up on his way home. It has been great getting to see her change each week as she grows and learns.  I'm happy that she feels comfortable with Grandma.  I'm honored that my daughter-in-law trusts me with her precious daughter.  I am thrilled to have time with my son every week.  I am looking forward to more!

Time With Family and Friends: I am so grateful that I now have time with my family and friends.  Since I'm not so tired all of the time, I spend time with friends.  I stay up late and hang out with Dane, my son who's in college.  I am home when my husband gets home.  We actually have time to do things together.  These lovely people are most important in my life.  It is a blessing to finally share my time with them.  I can do things with my son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter.  We are all looking forward to the arrival of our new family member in June when Abbey becomes a big sister, and I can't wait to spend time with him/her.

Being in the Moment: The best thing about being retired is being in the moment.  I had forgotten how wonderful it is to just BE!  I have learned to appreciate the changing seasons, the people around me, nature, and whatever I am experiencing.  I take the time to have philosophical conversations.  I savor a glass of wine or a leisurely dinner.  As a result, I find joy everywhere I look.






Thanks for sharing 2011 with me!  Happy New Year to you!  I look forward to writing more blogs during 2012 and hope that you will enjoy them.  If you enjoy reading my ramblings, share them with others or send me a comment.  Whatever you do, be sure to look around and discover joy in your life!

Have you found your joy today?

The Joy of December

Today is the first day of December!  How did it get here so quickly?  I am so excited about getting ready for the holidays this year.  When I was working, I often took the week of Thanksgiving as vacation so I could start getting ready for Christmas.  I would start my shopping, write my Christmas letter, and work on my Christmas card list at the same time that I was preparing for Thanksgiving.  Now that I am retired, I was able to get all of my shopping done (much of it online and during the November sales) by the middle of November.  I was able to spend time researching options and picking the right thing for my family members.  I can't wait for them to open their presents this year.  I also had my Christmas cards printed, my letter written, and my list mostly updated.  This was wonderful!  As a result, when my husband took vacation during Thanksgiving week, we were able to do other things and not make ourselves crazy.  It was great!

I am also excited, because we have the Christmas decorations done outside.  The wreaths are hung, the Santa flag is out, and the lights are on the house.  There have been many years when my husband and I have been out in the snow, all bundled up, freezing to death while we put the lights on the house.  This year it was in the 40's and was very pleasant.  I am so enjoying the decorations!

For the first time in many years, I am looking forward to decorating the house and the tree in a leisurely fashion.  I can't wait to make candy and Christmas cookies.  I am excited to start wrapping presents.  There are so many things that I enjoy doing when I have enough time.  I finally have it.  This year, I am not feeling driven to get things done quickly.  There is no panic that I am running out of time or that I have so much to do.  I am not exhausted as I partake of holiday festivities.  I am finally able to BE in the moment and enjoy the preparations.  I can do things for me, because I enjoy it-not because I feel like I HAVE to do it.

I know that I am very fortunate to have this opportunity!  For those of you who are in danger of getting caught  up in the holiday frenzy, I hope that you will be able to find a moment to pick something that you really enjoy doing and BE in the moment.  Enjoy it, laugh, relish the activity, and have fun with family!





Enjoy the holidays and be joyful!





Have you found your joy today?

Birthdays Are Relative

Do you remember when you were little?  Birthdays were treasured events in our lives.  We couldn't wait to get to our next birthday.  We wanted to be grown up so we could stay up late, not have to follow parents' rules, and have fun all of the time (or so we thought).  We also looked forward to presents, cake, ice cream, and maybe a party with friends.  I can remember pouring over catalogs and avidly watching commercials between cartoons on Saturday to create a list for my birthday that could also be added to for Christmas the next month.  We never lived near relatives so family parties were not a part of my personal experience from my childhood.

There is one birthday that stands out in my mind.  I was in fifth grade and lived in Miami, Florida.  I loved to go roller skating at the roller rink; so we decided to have a skating party.  We invited about 8 of my friends, got a cake with a picture of a skater on it, and I wore one of my dance recital outfits that looked like a skating costume.  I was so excited!  When we arrived at the roller rink, I couldn't believe my eyes.  A cute boy in school that ALL of us had a crush on, Stacy, was skating at the rink, too.  We invited him to join us... and he did!  It made my day!  I won't forget how special I felt or how happy I was.  My mom was great to invite Stacy.  She made this a very memorable birthday for me!

When my children were young, I always agonized over planning a birthday celebration for them.  When they were very little, it was a family celebration with presents, ice cream, and cake with the grandparents and my brothers.  When they were in elementary school, it was parties with friends and games at home, the movies, the arcade, or some other venue that fit the theme of the year.  When they were in high school, it was sleepovers with all night gaming.  When they turned 21, it was a trip to Las Vegas or a new computer depending on the interests of the child.  No matter the age: it was important to me to make these birthdays important events to celebrate the milestones in their lives.


I recently celebrated another birthday.  My birthday always falls around the Thanksgiving holiday so it may be a little different than the experience of most people.  In addition, my husband has his birthday 2 days after mine.  So it is always a very busy time between our birthdays and preparing the Thanksgiving dinner.  However, this year I took the time to think about my birthday as a separate event and started pondering the birthday experience.

I didn't want to celebrate this year.  It's not an issue with my age.  I am proud of who I am, would not want to go back in time, and have no problem with getting older.  I have earned my age and wisdom!  No, it was something entirely different.  My birthday fell on Thanksgiving Day, and I knew I would be cooking all day.  I made a deal with my husband that we wouldn't get presents or cards for each other.  I wasn't sure why I felt like this, but it was how I was feeling.  So, the day came and went.  We spent my husband's birthday at a wedding; so there was no special celebration for him either.

Why did I feel this way?  I wasn't sure so I started trying to analyze my feelings and where they came from.  My husband is the one who said something that triggered my revelation.  We were talking about what we needed for Thanksgiving dinner, and I mentioned that we, of course, should have pumpkin pie.  He said that he needed a pecan pie because my mother always made one for him for his birthday.  That was when it dawned on me!  My birthday doesn't mean as much without my parents to celebrate with me.

My mom and dad always remembered my birthday!  It was important to them.  I remember when my mother had heart bypass surgery.  We were in Arizona to support my parents as they went through this scary time.  My mother was in the hospital after surgery, but she still remembered my birthday.  She told my dad to do something to celebrate it.  I will never forget my dad and brother grilling steaks and eating cake on the patio for my birthday!  With all that was going on, I couldn't believe that this was so important to my parents, but I certainly felt loved.  Parents think ahead to plan for birthdays.  This was never more obvious than my birthday following my dad's death.  Even though he died in February before my 50th birthday, I received a card signed by him on my birthday that year.  He and my mom had found a special 50th birthday card the year before and he had already signed it.  When I opened the card, I cried.  At the loss...at the love...at the thoughtfulness.   I can never describe how I felt seeing my dad's signature.  It is a precious memory.

Birthdays (and Thanksgiving since they are intertwined for me) just aren't the same for me anymore.  I think it is because my parents, who were there when I arrived in this world, aren't here to share the day with me.  I just always feel like something is off about this time of year.  Maybe birthdays are really about the bond between parents and their children.  I think it's time to let go of my birthday and focus on celebrating birthdays of my children and granddaughter.  I think this is the natural order of life.  I now have a different place in the world.  It's time to cherish my memories but let go of the past and embrace the future.  After all, I have been well loved.  It is time to pass this legacy of love on to the next generations.  They are, without a doubt, my joy!

Have you found your joy today?

Ah-h-h, It's November!

Happy November, Everyone!

I have always loved November.  Maybe it was a result of the sugar-high induced coma of Halloween, but it has always been an exciting month for me.  I know that they say that November is filled with a lot of gloomy days and that Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend, but it has always been a month of comfort.

For me, November has always been rich and vibrant!  Everything is so beautiful at this time of year.  Nature is fascinating to watch.  The trees are showing their best colors.  We have a gorgeous red maple by our driveway that is radiant right now.  It is one of the last trees to drop its leaves, and they are a feast for the eyes!  They are putting on a show for us before they hunker down for the winter.

From this...

To this!

Another part of nature that I love to watch are the wildlife.  They are so industrious during this time.  It's fun to watch the squirrels and chipmunks in our backyard as they prepare for the winter.   If you watch along the highways, you will still see red-tailed hawks on lightpoles as they watch for prey during their migration.  Canadian geese flying in formation are a common sight.  All are busy... and that is true of all of us, too!

Many of us are enjoying cooking again.  Summer was the time of grilling and picnics, salads and light fare.  Fall is filled with color and taste.  Pumpkins and squashes are appearing in many of our foods; hearty soups and crock-pot dishes simmer for hours and fill the house with lovely aromas; baking of breads, cookies, and cakes are on our minds as we peruse our fall magazines!



We are also beginning to think about Thanksgiving.  This has always been a special holiday for me.  I love the food and setting the table with fine linens, crystal, and tableware.

The table is alive with color: oranges, greens, yellows, even reds.  Traditional foods such as turkey and dressing are prepared, and families gather to celebrate this holiday together.

Family!  That's what this holiday has always been about for me.  It has always been important to be with family during this time.  Now that my parents are no longer living and my brothers are spread across the country, it feels different somehow.  We used to gather at my parents' home, and my mom and I would cook together.  I always set the table, Dad would carve the turkey, my brothers/husband/kids would sniff around the kitchen and help finish everything as we got closer to the time for dinner.  I miss those times with my family.  I especially miss the quiet times after everything was cleaned up. We were all stuffed, and we would lounge around together in the family room-just being together as a family.  The TV would be on, Dad would be in his chair, Mom in hers, and the rest of us would be scattered around the room just being!  How lovely it was!  Now it is up to me to create these memories for my family-just as my parents did.

November also seems to be a month of expectations.  This may only be true for me since my birthday is in November, but I think it is also because we know that Christmas is coming near.  I know that retailers have started earlier and earlier each year, but this is the month when they kick into high gear!  We will see Christmas decorations everywhere we go, hear Christmas songs, and see ads on TV and newspapers for great deals.

November is our transition month.  Darkness comes earlier, and it is the time for fires in the fireplace, good music, great books, wonderful food and drink and cuddling.  So be sure to take a moment for yourself, experience the beauty of the season;  relax, re-energize, and enjoy it!

Have you found your joy today?

I Am What I Am

It is very interesting to be "retired".  In previous blogs, I have talked about the ideas that are elicited by this word, but it is a very unique experience to go through.  When I turned 50, I rejoiced in the fact that I liked myself, and I didn't care a lot about what others thought about me.  I was my own woman who had accomplished a lot in her career and life.  I didn't have my youth, but I had my experiences and the wisdom that came from them.  I liked that!  However, now that I am "retired", I am finding that I am at times a bit insecure about myself!


Let me start by saying that I have wonderful friends.  However, most of them are much younger than I am.  I also have a husband who is the same age but very physically fit.  I, on the other hand, am not!  Intellectually, I think I'm doing great, but I am a very quiet person.  I am not dramatic, beautiful, funny, clever, or particularly social.  I am a true introvert!  Many people think that introverts don't like being with others, are socially awkward, or can't speak in front of a group.  I was a teacher.  I was a high level professional who addressed a room full of people easily.  I was a human resource professional who liked working with people.  So, that is not a true definition of an introvert.  It is all about how you re-energize!  


My husband is very quiet but he is truly an extrovert.  He gets jazzed by being with people!  He loves groups of people and is very comfortable no matter what-even if he doesn't know anyone else there.  This gives him lots of energy.  I, on the other hand, prefer small gatherings, talking one-on-one and parties where I know most everyone.  Parties and new people exhaust me!  I am friendly, smiling, can hold a conversation, enjoy myself, but it saps my energy.  I need to be alone to recharge!  


As a result, alone time is very important to me.  However, I am finding that I now have too much (I can't believe I am saying this) alone time!  Working provided a nice balance: seeing people during the day, recharging at night.  Granted, it was sometimes hard to socialize on the weekends because I needed more time alone, but I did have a better balance.  


My friends are lovely!  They are open, giving, smiling, energetic, clever, funny, attractive, sexy, make-you-feel-good people. Now that I have enough time alone to recharge, I am eager to socialize on the weekends.   I just feel boring and uninteresting.  A term that was used at work a lot in the last few years was "value added".  In my retirement, I started wondering what value I add, and then I had a moment that has seemed to bring my balance back!


Have you ever seen "La Cage Aux Folles"?  My husband and I recently saw the Broadway Tour of this musical.  We had seen it many years ago, and I loved The Birdcage which was the movie version.  However, this time it spoke to me in a different way.  If you have ever seen it, you know that there is a riveting, emotional scene at the end of Act I where the much-maligned character of Albin sings "I Am What I Am".  The words to the first verse are:
I am what I am
I am my own special creation.
So come take a look,
Give me the hook or the ovation.
It's my world that I want to take a little pride in,
My world, and it's not a place I have to hide in.
Life's not worth a damn,
'Til you can say, "Hey world, I am what I am."
This is how I felt when I turned 50.  This is how I again feel about myself.  I am a great believer that you have to be aware of the world around you, because there are messages and lessons for you if you look for them.  I believe that this message was there for me as a reminder.  It seems to have reset the balance for me.  So, here I am; take me for what I am-no more and no less!  Be joyful in who you are and in the world around you.


Have you found your joy today?

Are You a Worrier?

We all have worries.  It is certainly a necessary part of life.  If everything was wonderful in our lives, I don't think that we would appreciate the good times-the JOYS we find in our lives.  I don't think that we would make good decisions.  I also think that it exercises our cognitive skills as we determine options, analyze their effectiveness, and decide on a course of action.  So worrying can be a good thing.

I love people, I love to watch them, and recently I have found it interesting to analyze how they handle worrying.  My dad didn't worry very often.  Instead, when he did have a problem that needed resolving, you could almost see the wheels turning in his brain as he examined the issues.  Once he found an action strategy, he carried it out and moved on with his life.  I think that most of the time he was very happy.  My mother, on the other hand, was a master worrier.  She worried about everything-even those things that she could do nothing about.  I remember being amazed that she worried about not having enough water while living in Arizona or thinking about getting earthquake insurance in the Midwest.  Don't get me wrong.  My mother was a very reasonable, intelligent woman.  However, her emotional makeup made worrying an integral part of her daily life.  I didn't understand it when I was younger. In fact, I can remember being upset when she would worry about me even after I reached adulthood.  I thought that it was because she didn't have enough faith in my ability to manage my life.  Years of experience have now given me a totally different viewpoint.

I have often thought about my approach to worrying.  I would frequently have issues to resolve related to work just like my dad did.  I felt that I was like him in my approach, as well.  I would stew on the problem, identify solutions, and decide how I wanted to solve the problem.  Once that was done, I let it go and moved on.  I have always found making decisions easy; I am decisive.  However, now that I am retired, I have had more time to analyze my style.  I am surprised to find that I am probably a combination of my parents' worrying styles.  I think that is because I am a mother AND because I now have time to worry.

As a young mother, I worried about my children: were they safe, were they well, was I a good mother?  As all mothers know, it is just part of the mantle of motherhood that we assume when we have a child.  Interestingly enough, fathers don't appear to suffer from the same effect.  Don't get me wrong: they do worry about their children, but they use my father's approach to deal with it and throw it off.  I just think that mother's have worrying down to a science!

As a recent retiree with grown children, I am finding that I worry more now that I am home.  Of course, I worry about my children.  (Shades of my mother!!!  I now understand that she DID believe in me and my abilities.)  I certainly believe in my children.  I am proud of the young adults they have become.  However, I still worry about them, and I think it is because I have time to worry.  When I was working, I didn't have a lot of time to worry about things.  I also know that if I was worried about something, I got a break from it when the workday took over.  Now I don't get a break from worries, and it is a challenge to step out of it sometimes!  Now I understand why my mother worried so much.  She didn't have an outside job where she could get a break from her worries.

I am finding that I have to learn new strategies to escape from worrying.  Writing helps me a lot so I may be writing more blogs in the future.  Being with friends, hugging my granddaughter, talking to my children, cuddling with my husband all help. I am even playing more games than I used to play.  Most importantly, I am taking time to find joy in my life.  This is the first year when I have had time to enjoy the fall and its beauty.  I am enjoying cooking (made freezer jam for the first time!) and finding new recipes.  I realize that worrying can be a healthy part of life.  We just need to find a balance by also finding the joy in our lives.

Have you found your joy today?

My 9/11 Experience: the First Step in a Decade of Change

I wasn't sure if I was going to write this post or not.  There are many around me who didn't want to watch any of the programs about 9/11 today.  I understand that we all deal with this great tragedy in our own way.  I also think for many in our country this is a national tragedy but not a personal one.  It shouldn't be about me; however, this is a very personal event and it had a tremendous impact on my life.

Ten years ago today, I lost my innocence and began a journey of loss of, and rediscovery of, safety and security.   My story is inconsequential in comparison to those you have seen on TV.  The recounts of bravery, compassion, and human sacrifice is overwhelming and impossible to describe.  Perhaps I am being selfish in writing this blog, but my way of coping and understanding is to examine my experiences and feelings.  That is why I did watch TV today; that is why I am writing this blog.

I was at work when I heard about the first plane crash into the World Trade Center Tower.  I immediately called my husband, Don, who was at home.  I asked him to try to get a call through to my brother who worked in New York City.  While he worked in an office overlooking Central Park, I still needed assurance that he was okay.  I also needed to know if my parents were safe.  They had been visiting my brother and were due to fly home to Arizona that day.  I didn't think that they were on that plane, but I needed to know for sure.  Don was fortunate that he was able to get a phone call through; we were relieved to find that everyone was safe.  My brother certainly has stories to tell about his struggle to get home to New Jersey that day.  Since flights were grounded for a period of time, my parents had an extended visit with my brother and his wife.  In retrospect, this was truly a gift of time.

I went on a business trip to Washington, D. C. the end of October and took some personal time to travel to visit my brother.  I took the train and went to their home.  Our parents had returned home by then.  I asked my brother to take me into the city for the day.  I wanted to experience New York as a New Yorker does- not as a tourist-and he could show me that.  I also wanted to visit the 9/11 site.

Security was tight.  In the subway station, there were armed soldiers.  We were only able to get within a couple of blocks of the 9/11 site, but it was an experience that I will never forget.

Dust and debris everywhere; abandoned stores with footprints in the dust ...

 steel twisted beyond understanding...

                                                                       police in masks.

    

I'm glad that I went there. It was a sad journey that I needed to make in order to process what had happened.  I think it also was an important step in my journey.









It wasn't long after this journey that my mother broke her hip while on a trip in Australia.  My brother flew to be with our parents and spent many hours with our father.  We were so focused on our mother's recovery when she returned home that it was a shock when our father died of a massive heart attack the end of February.  During this past decade, I've lost both of my parents.  My symbols of safety and security are gone.   I've struggled with work, I've had cancer (thankfully caught early), I've gotten older.

In taking this opportunity to look back over this decade, I can see the positive changes in my life.  In fact, I can count many.

• My first step occurred on September 12, 2002; I was baptized.  While I have always been a very spiritual person, I had always been embarrassed and felt incomplete because my parents had never baptized me.  I found the courage to approach my pastor and asked for a private baptism.  I didn't want to do it during a church service in front of the congregation like they do with all of the babies.  This was a very personal step in professing my faith.  I just wanted my family there.   My pastor was very encouraging and assured me that this was a very special event for her to baptize an adult.   I will be eternally grateful that she understood and granted my wishes.
• My children have grown into lovely young men in spite of all of the time I spent at work.  They were always a priority for me and there were times when I didn't think I had the energy to give them what they needed; but we made it!  
• My work was demanding but challenging.  There were many times that I made personal connections with people that I have cherished.  I am grateful for these experiences and that I now can enjoy retirement.
• I now have a lovely daughter-in-law and an adorable granddaughter.  At times I am sad that my parents aren't here to see them, but they are a joy to me.
• My dear husband found some loving friends for us.  They have enriched our lives and offer support, laughter, and joy every day.

You can see that finding joy is a common theme in the good things from the last decade, because it was during this last decade that I realized that I didn't have much joy in my life.  I made it a daily goal to find joy.  I continue this journey today and hope to do so for the rest of my life.  What about you?

Have you found your joy today?